Each time someone in our community passes, it leaves a void. When that person is on staff, and has been for the better part of a decade, I’m discovering that void is much larger. Not because Dana was “more important,” but simply because she was someone whose fingerprints are all around our church. She loved us and formed us both as individuals and as a community. 

In the past month, my mind has been filled with questions: “Now what?” “Where do we go from here?” “How do we move forward in this new reality without one of our beloved siblings?” 

And the truth that God continues to place on my heart is that grief isn’t something we “deal with” and then “move on from.” When we lose someone or experience some sort of marked change that alters our anticipated future, that loss is now part of us. It is something we carry with us for the rest of our lives. 

There’s no straight line.

Grief isn’t linear or cyclical. There’s no real pattern to it. It’s like walking on the ocean shore, the waves lapping at your feet. Most of the time, the waves are small, wetting your toes, sometimes covering your whole foot—coming up to your ankles. Then, every once in a while, for no apparent reason, a rogue wave crashes into you, pulling the sand out from underneath your feet and knocking you to the ground. 

Some moments we’re doing OK, learning to live in the new reality. Then we might see or hear or smell something that reminds us of our loss and a wave of sadness comes over us. Other times, the wave of sadness (or anger, disappointment, etc.) knocks us down before we even see it coming. 

When the rogue waves come, we allow ourselves a moment to catch our breath, recognize what happened, and get back up again. Depending on the size of the wave, it might be a little stumble or something that takes a bit to recover from. 

Grief Is Normal

It’s all normal. Waves happen. They’re part of walking on the shore. Just like grief is part of allowing yourself to love and be loved. 

How do we move forward? By continuing to be the beloved community we are. I am in awe of how the church has shown up for Jamie, Dana’s family, myself, the staff, and one another these past few weeks. We will move forward by continuing to be who we are—showing up for one another, giving ourselves and others grace (and hugs and space and help) when the waves of grief come. 

We will remind ourselves that just like at the ocean shore, we won’t get to a point when the waves stop coming—when we’re “over it.” The waves are reminders of the love we encountered and the lessons and love we take with us the rest of our lives. 

Thanks be to God. 

Rev. Heidi Welch, Senior Pastor